


Lord forgive me for I am about to sin

by Darknessisafriend



Category: Quills (2000)
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22137235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darknessisafriend/pseuds/Darknessisafriend
Summary: The reader got hired on as a chambermaid to help tend around the asylum. She and Abbé click upon first meeting, but as a clergyman he must deal with his emotions, especially as they grow closer everyday (and it does not go unnoticed). One day she gets attacked from one of the patients and he comes to her rescue. As he is tending to her in private and making sure she's alright, they finally confess feelings
Relationships: Abbe de Coulmier/ reader, Abbé de Coulmier/Reader
Kudos: 18





	Lord forgive me for I am about to sin

**Yo** u had arrived a few months ago at the Charenton asylum, you had the opportunity for work which was paid better in the city but the terror and violence that reigned there made you want to go away. And you were a very altruistic person, you liked to help people and even if you weren’t an important person in this world, you wanted to make a difference and help to make this world a better place. 

So, naturally, when you heard about this job at the asylum it was perfect, care and talk with the patients and make their life a bit more bearable, and maybe even help in their recovery was a great opportunity. You weren’t one to judge people by their appearance, you always tried to see the best in other humans. And you had heard that the person in charge of the asylum, Abbé de Coulmier was an innovative man, preferring such things as arts to cure patients rather than barbaric treatments. 

However, you weren’t expecting to fall in love with this man. The second you met him something happened, as if you were suddenly attracted to him like a magnet, you seek his contact, his voice and even wished for his touch.

You had blushed, trying to suppress those feelings; you had just met him, what was happening to you? He extended his hand for you to shake, your heartbeat increasing, you shakily reached and the moment your skin met his, it felt as if it burned you but not in an unpleasant way. And it seemed Abbé felt something too, he briefly froze, his mouth agape and his eyes looking at your joined hands.

“Y/N I am happy you are joining us in Charenton, your help will be greatly appreciated.” he smiled after a bit, pretending that nothing had happened. 

“And I’m glad to help!” you had replied, your voice had raised a bit higher at the end as you tried to hide your emotions too, you walked behind him, looking at the back of his head, he had great hair, you wondered how it would feel to bury your fingers in them.

Afterwards, he took you on a tour around the asylum, the kitchen, the personnel's rooms, the sick room, then he brought you to the patients' area and introduced you to the patients.

“Dauphin, this Y/N she will be working here now, she will take care of sheets and food along with the other people working here.” he explained to the man who nodded to you and welcomed you here, you softly smiled at him, he looked really nice.

“Dauphin arrived a few months ago, he has a tendency to set things on fire, it is an obsession but we have been making great progress with him.” explained the Abbé proudly with a big smile as he patted the back of his patient. As he presented you to the other patients your smile grew, most of them looked really nice and the Abbé was such a caring man, you could feel yourself fall even more for him. 

“Of course, there are patients here that you should be careful about, we don’t have much of them in Charenton, they are usually sent to other institutions but I would advise you not to walk in the corridors at night, and avoided patients like Bouchon for example, he has...a tendency to want to do things to women...without their consent, if you understand what I mean...” you nodded understandingly, shivers running across your body as the Abbé pointed his finger at the man called Bouchon, he was massive, you didn’t want to be stuck with him. 

Then he guided you to your quarters once again to make sure you would remember where it was, sometimes placing his hand on the small of your back to guide you.

“You must be exhausted; you don’t have to start working tonight but tomorrow would be great!” he beamed as he opened the door for you.

“Thank you, Father.” you answered avoiding his gaze, putting a strand of hair behind your hair shyly. He was such a nice and attentive man, it shouldn’t surprise you, after all, to be a clergyman taking care of mentally hill people, he had to be a loving being. 

As time passed, you grew closer to each other, even though you tried to suppress the feelings you had developed for him, he was a clergyman, devoted to God and God only, you felt guilty for how you felt and for how conflicted you made him feel. You weren’t blind, how many times you had seen him reaching out to touch you and then stopping himself a few inches from your skin, remembering he shouldn’t be feeling like this. 

“So, did he succumb to your charms?” had asked you the Marquis with an interested look one day, you turned your head as you blushed, and pretended to read the titles of the books he owned in his book shelf.

“What do you mean?” you asked innocently, he chuckled.

“Even the most unfortunate beings of this asylum have noticed it, your infatuation with him...but the most interesting is the Abbé, he’s trying so hard to restrain his desire for you, I almost pity him...to the point I tempted him several times so he would give in to satisfy his needs...” you quickly turned your head to him, so you didn’t imagine the affection he had for you, you giggled happily you wanted to thank the Marquis but his explicit way of speaking wasn’t the best technique for the clergyman, anyway you appreciated his help.

Later, the Abbé had offered to teach you how to read and write, you were curious and it was his way of thank you for your hard work, at least that’s what he told himself but deep down he knew it was because he wanted to spend time with you, alone...

“I’d love to! It’s something I’ve always wanted to learn, there are so many stories I’ve heard about that I wish I could read...” you answered excitedly. 

“Oh really? Which one?” he gently cut you off, genuinely curious, he sat down, smoothing the fabric of his soutane as he did so.

“Oh well, I guess I have always been interested in those philosophical books of Voltaire, it is fascinating to see how a text, words can inspire the upbringing of people.” 

“There is a certain beauty in them, although their position about the Church was quite negative.” he replied with a polite smile.

“Was it all against the Church? Did you read them?” you asked him curious, surely a man like him had read one or two of those.

“I did, I had to hide from the monks in my former Monastery. You probably know by now that I am deemed quite different, well, open-minded contrary to most clergymen.” he laughed stroking his chin. “The authors were against the power and the status of the Chruch in our country but they praised our moral and social values, which I believe should be what the people remember about our Church” he added thoughtfully.

“Of course, you know...I’ve always had a difficult relation with our religion, so many rules and prohibitions but when I needed it the most, it always brought me comfort...” you confessed, looking at your hands, you felt you could share everything with him, even if you were a bit embarrassed. 

“God will always welcome you; you are not the first who doubted him, he is forgiving and knows how pure and good you are here.” he replied with benevolence, he smiled affectionately at you, before opening the bible to teach you your first letters.

The both of you got used to your daily reading lessons and bonded fast, you knew each other pretty well by now and looked forward to those moments, the way he leaned over your shoulder, his chin brushing against you, his warm breath tickling your skin, and his hand resting on yours sending shivers down your spine, although it never went farther...

You also invited him to eat dinner with you sometimes. You enjoyed cooking in general but you always put extra care in preparing food for him. You loved the way it made him smile, the sound he made when he tasted your dishes. He always insisted on helping you with washing the dishes afterwards, out of politeness you didn’t want him to help you, but deep down you enjoyed it, every occasion to spend time with him was good, and you always ended up brushing hands, giggling for nothing and giving each other tender smiles, you whished he wasn’t a clergyman, things could have been so much easier, now the both of you dedicated a lot of your energy to resist the feelings you had for each other.

And destiny seemed to pushed you together, for example, sometimes you had night terrors, you had no one to go to but him, still you always resisted to go to his room, remembering his warning, you would stay curved into a ball in your bed, crying. You thought he wouldn’t see it the morning after, but he did. At first, he was worried, he thought someone had hurt you, he always offered to listen to you; then he would smile tenderly and offer you to sleep in his office, so no one would disturb you and you would be safe. And when he came back to check, gently he would unlock the door, realizing you were still sleeping, he would secretly watch you, until he couldn’t resist but brush his fingers against your cheek; you knew this because you had caught him once, his soft touch had woken you up. However, he felt ashamed to have succumbed to this impulsion.

“I’m sorry...I... I have patients to tend to.” he had excused himself, avoiding your gaze and leaving before you could say anything.

After this, your relationship with the Abbé had cooled down, he was avoiding any moment with you alone, he looked tired, if he was going through the same thing as you, then you understood, it hurt to be so distant with him, you spent your nights tormented, thinking about a way to make things better, until you couldn’t resist anymore...

Bouchon was the worst patient you could have encountered alone in dark corridor at night, damnit you couldn’t resist the need to see the Abbé, you couldn’t sleep that night, you had to tell him how you felt maybe he would reciprocate. 

“Bouchon, remember what Abbé told you, you have to behave well...” you shuddered trying to prevent yourself from shaking, showing that you were scared of him would only make things worse...

He continued to walk towards you, his eyes full of desire, mad and terrifying desire, you had to take few steps back, until he catches your arm yanking you back to him, you struggled, trying to break free, until he hit you hard with the back of his hand, your vision briefly went black at the shock, you felt blood pouring your mouth as you fell to the ground. Bouchon laughed, bending down and grabbing your hair, you couldn’t struggle against him, he was too strong, you gather all the strength you possessed and screamed at the top of your lungs for help, for him, the Abbé, you prayed he could hear you from afar. You squinted your eyes shut as Bouchon’s face came closer to yours.

“Bouchon! Guards!” you finally heard the Abbé ‘s voice scream louder than you could ever had, he ran to you alarmed at the state of the patient and the harm he might have done to you, the guards rushed to the patient to, catching Bouchon by the arms and neck making him let go of you, you collapsed on the cold floor once again, breathing hard, shaking with terror.

Suddenly you felt arms wrap around your body, you startled and whimpered in fear.

“Shhhhh it’s me Y/N, it’s me...you will be alright, he can’t harm you anymore.” he murmured in your ear soothingly, his hands gently caressing your shoulders, you buried your head in the crook on his neck, wanting to be completely shielded, protected by him.

“We have to get you to the infirmary...” the Abbé said when your breathing started to calm down after a few minutes. However, you were still terrified, nobody could protect you like he does; so, you grabbed his shirt not wanting to let go of him.

“No! Please Abbé! Don't leave me! I don’t want...” you started to plead frantically, your voice trembling and tears threatening to come out. 

“Alright, we won’t go to the infirmary...” he replied softly, softly kissing your temple “at least allow me to check-up on you.” he proposed, he wanted to make sure you were alright, that Bouchon didn’t damage your beautiful face and body. You nodded against his neck; keeping his arms around your body he got up, bringing you to his room, on the way you rested your head on him and had passed an arm around his waist, making sure he wouldn’t go away. 

Once you arrived in his room, he sat you on his bed, then went to close and lock his door. He gathered a bowl of water; a clean piece of clothing to clean any wounds you could have. You watched him do so, feeling cold as his warm body had left yours. He took a chair and placed it in front of you; he sat spreading his legs apart so he could be closer to you, and check-up properly. His hand came up to gently cup your face, you didn’t meet his eyes waiting for him to scold you. But he didn’t, instead you heard him sight at the view of your open lip, bleeding, he damped the clothe to clean the blood away.

“Y/N I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough to stop him from hurting you.” he apologized, gently cleaning your lip while the other hand was buried in your hair to hold your head still. 

“Don’t blame yourself Abbé, it could have been much worse if you didn’t save me...” you insinuated, a small smile forming on your lips briefly, it was so much like him to put the fault on himself instead of the others. 

He didn’t reply, the both of you staying silent for a while as he checked for other wounds on your arms or neck, you didn’t seem to have other injuries apart from a big terror in your mind. He put aside the bowl of water and the clothe. He noticed you were shivering so he reached behind you to put his cover around you, he wrapped you in the woolen cover, his scent filling your lungs, you noticed just now he had been wearing his shirt open, he had hugged you against his bare skin, and you hadn't noticed before you had been granted such pleasure. The Abbé gently took your hands in his, stroking your skin with his thumb, you looked at your joined hands, you wished the circumstances would have been better, how sad it was to have him look after you, touch you after such extreme event, you wished he did so every day, for no apparent reason but affection for you...

“Why were you outside of your room at this late hour?” he finally asked looking at you in the eyes, it was hard for you to keep eye contact with him, he looked hurt as if he had been wounded in the process of finding you out of your room. You swallowed down; you were about to tell him everything you had wanted to say for the past months and you feared his reaction, you took a deep breath. 

“I wanted to see you...Abbé I... I’ve been having feelings for you and I tried to repress them but...I can’t, that’s why I had decided to confess it to you tonight...” You lowered your eyes, ashamed of your foolish actions that had costed you dearly. His thumb stopped stroking your hand.

“Oh Y/N... there are some feelings that one cannot express...” he whispered weakly, it hurt him to say this to you.

“But why? I don’t understand, what is so impure about Love?” you pleaded, swallowing down as tears started to run down your face.

“Y/N love is a beautiful feeling; it makes the world a better place but...I must dedicate my whole being to God...” he replied, his voice barely coming out at a murmur as he briefly bent down to kiss your hand tenderly.

“I wouldn’t drive you away from God, I’d never want that, I only ask you to let me make you happy, make you smile and laugh, if you would grant me in return a tiny bit of the love you have for God, then I would be the happiest woman on this Earth.” you proclaimed as you took back your hands to seize his head between your hands, you wanted to kiss him to show him how much he meant to you. His eyes were wet, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, it was clear he was having an internal conflict, he didn’t know what to do or what to say.

“You’re going to hate me now and fire me, right?” you then asked as he didn’t speak, tears rolling down on your cheeks, this seemed to put him out of his thoughts, he seized your shoulders.

“No, no I don’t hate you Y/N...” he blurted afraid he might have hurt your feelings “...I love you...” he breathed, looking at you in the eyes, your heart was beating fast, you couldn’t believe what he had just said, you searched his eyes for hesitation. His hands went to your face, caressing your cheek.

“Y/N I’ve loved you the moment I laid eyes you and since I have been blessed by your presence, your smile...” you cut him off by crashing your lips on his, he moaned at the contact, your heart fluttered as he accepted your gesture, grabbing your hair to keep you close to him, how good it felt to have his lips against yours, but it wasn’t enough, you felt the need to taste him; you remembered what the Marquis had taught you about kissing, so your tongue went to tease his lips, asking for his permission, he let out a high-pitched moan at the contact, and opened his mouth in response, when your tongue met his, it was as if you had melted, it was soft and careful like he was afraid to hurt you.

You parted too soon for your taste, but the both of you needed to breath, he rested his forehead against yours, he nuzzled his nose against your nose, he had his eyes closed. 

“My angel...” he breathed, a lovely smile forming on his lips, you softly laughed happy you had finally confessed to each other and intended on loving each other as long as you lived. He reopened his eyes, to look at you with adoration.

“Lord, forgive for I am about to sin but it is one I am willing to commit...” he said out loud as he gently laid you on his bed, coming on top of you, ‘what a beautiful sin’ he thought, your hand buried in his hair, massaging his scalp tenderly; he leaned in and kissed your lips once again, he will adore and worship your whole being just like he does for God and it will be the purest love he ever felt.


End file.
